Step 8
We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
What it means
An honest accounting of real harm I caused. Not imagined harm, and not harm done to me.
How abandonment distorts it
My system will put me on the list for existing, for having needs, and for being hurt. None of those are harms.
In this marriage
If I have been controlling, cold, or punishing, that belongs on the list. Being betrayed does not.
Inside me
I belong on my own list. Self-abandonment is a harm I have done to me.
Do not do this for 0 minutes
- NEVER put 'was betrayed' on this list. And never make amends for having had needs. A list that is mostly self-accusation is a symptom, not a step.
Behavioral exercise
- Write the list. Show it to a support person before acting on any of it.